It seems to
be we all have our parts to play, when we look at the history of humans as a
whole. We seem to be searching for answers on both a conscious or unconscious
level as to whom we are, and why we live this short existence... wondering if we
each have a destiny and if so... what will our part be? Who ... how are we
created to Be in Spirit and in truth. In our conscious search, it seems to
be; some of us reach out to God's Spirit ... to our Divine Source for a
response... and receive it!
desire had been brought to the place of no longer simply wanting to know 'about'
God... but to know the reality of God and my role, on an intimate level... and
to become the person I was created to Be through our relationship, if indeed
such was possible. Having come to a such a place deep within, while
soaking in the bath one evening in 1978, I reached out ... with every
fiber of my being my heart cried out to my limited concept of our heavenly
father, asking for His spiritual words and empowerment to manifest through the
uniting of our hearts ... it was then I heard the most beautiful words coming
forth from my mouth... they flowed without effort on my part, and as they did it
was then I entered into what I can only suppose was an out of body vision.
body was still in the tub, I found a part of my consciousness being lifted ever
higher. It was as if the real me was enveloped inside of a thick cloud of light,
love and truth, so thick, I wondered if it could be cut with a knife. All around
me was a bright essence... energy of sorts. I was aware this cloud was the
Presence of God, and I was receiving part of His mind. I understood much
... I knew that I knew.... that I knew truth.... that God was real... that He is
good... and loving and He desires an intimate spiritual relationship with us. I knew He
was revealing Himself ... the Spirit of His Mind ... to me because HE had been drawing me,
convicting me of that which caused me to shy away or resist His best for me ...
and I had responded... humbling myself... having repented, completely
surrendering my rebellious will and dual nature for Him to do as HE willed.
Spirit alive within flooded me... I heard myself continuing to pray in a
beautiful language... an ancient tongue ... a tongue unknown to my conscious
mind. I understood clearly the heart of its message through internal
impressions. God's Spirit revealed much deep within. I knew that when my human body
ceased to exist, I had nothing to fear... God has already prepared a wonderful
place for me... and my life with Him would continue … that God loves each of
us and offers such and the purity of Who He is to all. I knew no
matter what, that NOTHING I do will ever destroy that love... nor cause it to be
increased.... because it could not be earned.... it simply is. I knew every sin
... I ever committed and ever would commit was forgiven and always would
be. Shame and condemnation left as I received the forgiveness and the power to
overcome the sin nature I desired .... all desire to willfully sin was
gone.... my nature had been transformed.... into a higher way of Being. Sin
no longer gave me pleasure. I
was very aware God's Spirit had taken control of my life since I had asked....
giving me a new life with Him... through a redeemed .. restored nature. I
saw Him as my Dad... my loving Father.... Who deeply cared about my life.... our
life, in every way.... Who would always be there for and with me.
my Spirit, I saw myself spiritually crucified with Jesus at
I knew, deep
within, through a level of identification words alone cannot express, my nature
and Jesus' had become one. He had taken my sin nature into Himself and I
had taken His Holy Spirit into myself. I would be awakened to this awareness...
as His Spirit was resurrected within me through this union I was experiencing
now and in the new life, which would follow. I came to understand each day I would die to my
old life... my old thinking... my limited concepts... my old lower ways of
being... as I was transformed into a new creation, a holy eternal Spiritual being.... of a higher nature, through the process ... as these
revelations became a part of me experientially.
When I woke
up the next morning with great faith, aware I was indeed an spiritual aspect of
a bride being prepared for the return of Jesus' as her bridegroom .... I
was even more aware I would never be the same again. I understood that Father
God had begun a good work in me and that He would complete it... as His eternal
plan unfolded. I began to experience the fact that I had nothing to fear,
because He would be in control, even when I doubted it.... I was to continue to
ask... to seek to learn to trust in His continual love and guidance as He led me
and taught me, as He revealed His ways, Who He is and His Presence with me
daily, in ways I could only imagine. I marveled as I watched the faith and love
I had been given grow... through God's revelations and transformative power made
real through our union.
much... which I have grown to understand layer by layer.... through
experience.... and observing the inner changes as they come forth. Much, I
sometimes forget for a moment.... which is brought to remembrance as I grow spiritually and Father's Spirit
transforms my limited natural
understanding and distorted thinking replacing it with His own, through the
experiences He ordains for my spiritual growth. I had received the mind of
Christ. It seemed to me God's
I can only
compare all of this to a bud.... which has the hopes of becoming the rose He
would open in due season. I have come to understand, if I try to open the rose,
I will only tear the delicate leaves of my life... and it is best to surrender
to His manifested will, in each present moment, through faith in Who He is revealing Himself to Be...
through His great love.... love having become my own motivation, through our
understanding of a little child, I knew God is the eternal Spirit of
unconditional love and truth.... and His Spirit had brought me to this moment.
It was indeed His Spirit revealing Himself and His Son to me as the lover of my
soul... and myself as His daughter... and an aspect of the Bride of Christ, an
eternal companion. I knew it was up to my heavenly Father to lead me in the ways
I should go, to train me as one of His children, born of His Spirit, because I
did not have the wisdom otherwise. A sin nature... one which called evil
good and good evil... external influences, unhealthy preconditioning, a fear of
what others think of me, a fear of rejection, a sense of powerlessness, had
distorted my natural thinking and affected my ways of being ... I would have to
let go... to receive anew ... it was up to me to simply trust, obey and follow
the best I was enabled without condemnation... as I daily chose to love and
forgive, as I would be loved and forgiven in return.
I was given
the revelation... since an awareness of His Spirit alive within now lived in me
as a higher way of Being... it would no longer be my lower nature which ruled....
which dictated right or wrong for me. I came to understand experientially the
purity of His Spirit was indeed growing within me ... revealing my corrupted
lower nature as dead or willing to die, one moment at a time. He convicted the
new me, a holy nature, of the sin nature at war within and the need for death;
as I turned to Him in obedient trust... to receive the transformation of who HE
had created me to Be as His child.... a sister to Jesus, who was the first born
from sin and death ... I was aware I was one with and among the
resurrected family of God, through this spiritual birth.
myself being cleansed deep within.... as I continued to be lifted higher and
higher... into this cloud of light.... swallowed up in His Presence, God's
Essence, and the truth of HIS love for each of us, and our ability to love
selflessly through our union. It was as if the words I was praying through this
new tongue and the thoughts I was receiving were washing me clean....
renewing the spirit of my mind, yet nothing was registering for long,
except the magnitude of love He has for us as our Father. This and the
revelation of my daily death to all which would attempt to separate me from God
as my father... Jesus as the fulfillment of our promised Messiah, myself as an
aspect of Jesus' Spiritual Bride, He being the lover of our soul, God's Holy
Spirit of Truth birthed within empowering and leading me into all truth... has
remained alive within, bringing forth much healing… for myself and others. I understood my life would never be the same, my desires... my mind... my
nature had indeed changed... and thus so had I. My eyes had been opened to the
spirit realm. I was given the ability to see through His eyes of eternity.
I would have to walk these revelations out... for them to be
appropriated in my now, releasing me from head knowledge and the ego ... dual
nature at war within. I came to understand as I did... His Spirit, His words,
was renewing the Spirit of my mind as I meditated upon them. A change in my ways
of being, thinking, through much tribulation... and trials of faith.... would
prove to me, that all would and was indeed working out for the good, as He
promised.... even when I could not see how or when, with my intellect.... even
when my emotions were feeling otherwise. Father God proved HimSelf to Be
faithful and true. Jesus' words and promises to us have become my truth
and are becoming my reality.
was back in the bathtub.... where I had begun my prayer.... I realized I was
naked.... I covered my breasts in embarrassment. As I did, I heard an audible
voice, it laughed... I heard a clear thought... It said, "I have seen you
before.... you have just never seen Me...." He has been speaking to me
clearly ever since.... in ever increasing ways.
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